Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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