Can i not drive my cunt home
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
