I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
