i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
this hospital has no fireball
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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