this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
