youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
