there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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