He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
