Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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