He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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