I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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