My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
