Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
