Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
