Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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