All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
