Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
