So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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