You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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