i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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