this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
