my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
