Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
