sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
