the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
