Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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