dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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