You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's never too late to be topless.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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