You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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