I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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