I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
