The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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