remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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