Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
