If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
