Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
