Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
