my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The best revenge is premature balding
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
