Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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