Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
