Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
