My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
