I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
