Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
