so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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