did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
