Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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