meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
