Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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