Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize