awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
