She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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